Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
