Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
