Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
