your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
