Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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