U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
