just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
