i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
