My underwear smells like fireworks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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