I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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