Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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