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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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