im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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