i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
