I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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