watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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