Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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