so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
