'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
