We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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