No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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