I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And then he peed in my hair
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