well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
