i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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