So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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