im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize