Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
