I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
