I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
