remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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