If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
