She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize