Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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