Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
