I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
