haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
