You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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