Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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