The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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