It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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