If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
