So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
