Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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