Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
