I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need to calm my uterus...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
