Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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