How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
