the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
zippers are such a cool invention
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
