I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I would ride that face into the sunset
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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