Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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