he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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